Progress on my performance How to Succeed: Corporate Enlightenment is going well! After going to a feedback session to work on my script, I received the following feedback:
1) The ending section of the performance should be elongated, so it doesn’t appear to be so sudden
2) Make sure to ensure the comedic timing of the writing works when appropriate
3) Add additional sections to make the script appear more business-esque.
To work on the following feedback points, I’ve researched further into the three points and added to my script.
PROGRESS #1: Elongate Ending Section
To elongate the ending, where the meeting ‘goes wrong’, per se, I decided to add sections throughout the text. During the ‘Beyonce’ section, RECRUITER states:
Poor B. She’s just like us, you know? Minus the twenty Grammy award-wins, net worth of five-hundred million dollars, rich husband and endless career prospects, me and my girl have a lot in common. Actually, that doesn’t sound quite right…
The reason for adding this to the script is so the final section doesn’t feel ‘thrown in’ at the last minute. To make the ridiculous nature of the Illuminati speculation apparent, I’ve added this to the text too:
All we want is to simply create one world where everyone has the same opinion and has no freedom of speech, to maintain order. Purging societies has worked out splendidly in the past, has it not?
There is an awkward silence.
Erm, so, moving promptly through the rest of the triangle, we have chattel slaves, modern-day slaves and women.
The addition of this section was to make it apparent that this, as the writer, is not my genuine opinion regarding Illuminati purging. Certainly, adding this section makes apparent the ridiculous nature of the conspiracy behind the New World Order.
I’ve kept the tech relatively the same, as I believe the technical side of the performance still works. It was just the wording of certain sections that needed reworking and revamping to ensure the ending of my performance worked.
PROGRESS #2: Comedic Timing
Comedic timing is something that is particularly difficult to get right first time. Particularly the line where RECRUITER states: If Brexit has taught us anything, it’s that we are in grave danger. That, and the fact that people really take bus advertisements to heart.
After workshopping the script, it appeared that the wording of the line didn’t appear to make the comedy work. Instead, the line has now been changed to: If Brexit has taught is anything, it’s that we are in grave danger. That, and people will believe anything if you put it on the side of a bus.
The timing of this section appeared to work much better. As a means of looking into comedic timing further, I read The Art and Science of Comedic Timing (2017) by Thomas MacMillan. In his article, MacMillan stresses “the importance of having a space between the setup and the punchline” (MacMillan, 2017). This tip was particularly helpful with my delivery, as whilst comedy is something I’ve worked with the writing of before, it felt useful to have the technique of punchlining spelt out for me. This will be somethign I work towards when rehearsing the piece and its timings.
PROGRESS #3: Additional Sections
In my feedback section, a few recommendations were made for my work. Firstly, the idea of making it clear that the Illuminati have been using popular icons for years to spread their message was popular. Moving forward, I hope to have a completed version of my script by Wednesday 9th May with this section added to my script. Historical icons such as Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin and other totalitarian figures are often linked to Illuminati recruitment and symbolism. Owing to the nature of their rulership and the totalitarian-esque nature of the New World Order, comparison between these could add an additional tone to the performance.
The second recommendation was to making links to George Orwell’s 1984 (1949). The ‘Big Brother’ style of the performance would be a really fun way to make the final moments of the performance ‘pop’ more, per se. This will be something I aim to explore in my final script.
ADDITIONAL PROGRESS/FUTURE WORK
To facilitate my writing of the script, I aim to read/watch 1984 by George Orwell, One Night Stand (1991) by Bil Hicks and Peeping Tim (1960) by Michael Powell. Each of these texts/productions appears to have the tonality I want within my performance and will work well for writing inspiration.
WANT: To complete my script and tech by May 9th, so I can solidly rehearse and get off script. I feel that at this point will be the moment where my work starts to really get on its feet. My tech is the biggest thing that needs sorting the most urgently, as there is currently limited tech set in stone.
LEARNT: 1) About stand up comedy and the way in which to use timing and punch lines to evoke humour.
2) I need to work on the abrupt nature of my writing. I could also make final sections of my script more opinion-based and more fact-based.
EXPERIENCE: It’s been difficult balancing the writing of this script with the writing and performing for other modules, but I’ve really enjoyed the experience of working on the inital bones of a script I wrote.
Works Cited
MacMillan, T. (2017) The Art and Science of Comedic Timing. The Cut. Available at:https://www.thecut.com/2017/05/the-art-and-science-of-comedic-timing.html [Accessed 24th April 2018].